My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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