I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
