Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
