Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?