I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed