im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.