I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
