Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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