Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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