The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
