every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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