just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
