Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
