i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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