So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
