Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
