I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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