Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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