I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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