i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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