Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
