Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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