so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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