he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think my moral compass just broke
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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