he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
