Can Purell be used as lube?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
