The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
