I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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