Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
