Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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