i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
