the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
