So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
