Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
