that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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