Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize