i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
