I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
