I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
