Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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