i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
