well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
