you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
