One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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