Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
