Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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