he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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