So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
