How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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