dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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