How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
