please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
