Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
