She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
