We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
