Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
