I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
