The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
