I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
