ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
