I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
