I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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