we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
