omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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